A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
