He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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