I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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