So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
