Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
