trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
