Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
