..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
