Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
