I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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