she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
