you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
