I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
