I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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