hotel room ftw
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
