Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
