I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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