Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
