So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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