I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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