He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
