you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In America we eat man semen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
