Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
