I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
