I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize