playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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