im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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