is your mom at the bar?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
