We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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