PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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