I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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