I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
