I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
