I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
