Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
