OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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