And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize