Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
