Nicole vs. Life
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
