So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
