and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
