I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
