the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
