i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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