biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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