I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
