Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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