trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
