if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
