my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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