I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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