My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
