I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
