i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
