No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
