please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
