And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
