So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
