Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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