You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
