You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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