I hate your face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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