dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
