I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
