what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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