I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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