So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
