I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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