you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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