does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
