he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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