you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
