Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
