Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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