I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i dont even know how to be here
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
