So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize
