State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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